How To Test Your Girlfriend
By Matthew Fitzgerald

You've been getting closer with a woman and you're thinking, Hmm…she might be "the one." But in the back of your mind an insistent little voice keeps nagging, "This is too good to be true." And instant replays of all the mood swings, temper tantrums, and unbridled greediness of your past girlfriends flit through your brain.

Maybe there have been inklings that all is not sunny in relationship paradise; or maybe you're just feeling a need to tap the brakes a little and tread cautiously -- after all, dating is a significant investment and you don't want to throw away the next six months of your life on someone who turns out to be another psycho.

Here are a few tests you can try on for size:

Excess baggage
Lots of women are the "walking wounded" -- they carry around unresolved hurt and anger from past relationships and expect the new men in their lives to tolerate their outbursts. To evaluate your girlfriend's baggage level, quiz her about her past boyfriends. If she comes back with, "Troy and I are still friends, even though it didn't work out," you're in safe territory. But if she says nothing or begins badmouthing him like a maniac, run.

The green-eyed monster
Nothing will tip you off more about future problems than her reaction to your interaction with other women. You'll know right away if your girlfriend has jealousy issues by those daggers in her eyes when you look at the opposite sex. And if she's the jealous type, watch out -- hell hath no fury. So to test her, deliberately flirt with a waitress, or point out how hot some chick on TV looks. Prepare for the worst!

Can you trust her?
This is the flip side of the jealousy test. Have one of your friends or a business associate hit on her and see how she reacts. If she opens the door and invites him in, it means she's still on the lookout for the BBD (Bigger, Better Deal), and it's just a matter of time before you're out on the street.

Me, me, me
Today many, many women are selfish, self-obsessed narcissists who expect men to coddle them and cater to their every whim. This is because they hold the sex trump card and know it. To test her selfishness quotient, insist (over her demands) on eating at a restaurant you pick, or opt to stay in and watch a DVD instead of going out. If she's a spoiled brat who only cares about herself, you'll find out right away.

What does she really want?
If you're a good-looking guy, it's possible that your girlfriend is only interested in your looks. To test her, show up for a date sprouting stubble and wearing your rumpled old clothes from high school, or pass on taking a shower after working out. If she thinks it's "cute," or reacts with a smile, she passes with flying colors; but if she throws a tantrum and starts screaming about how embarrassing it would be to be seen with you, it's time to move on.

If you're a guy with lots of cash, it may just be that she's angling to wrap her sticky little fingers around your wallet. To deal with her, tell her that you're about to lose your job, so money's tight. Or pretend that you forgot your wallet and that she'll have to foot the bill. Or even start a discussion about the necessity of prenuptial contracts. If this earns you a flat, "I-can't-believe-this" stare or she starts calling you "cheap," head for the nearest exit.

How cool is she?
Some women --especially the jealous types -- are relentlessly insecure and interpret any male independence as a threat to their sexual control of the relationship. This includes spending time with your buddies whom she views as a gateway to the single life and opportunities for interaction with other women. Guys like to go to sports bars, strip clubs, games -- places where she can't exert her control. Test her by telling her you can't see her Saturday night because you and your friends are going to a strip club. Her reaction will be immediate -- but again, prepare for he worst.

Home alone
Leave her alone with your friends or family members to see how she interacts with them. Is she polite and engaging? Does she make an effort to get to know them -- or does she view them as competition? Ask them what kind of impression they got from her, and pay close attention to their answers -- they may be seeing something you're not.

Keep your mouth shut, test her in all the ways that matter, and find out if you should keep her or sweep her.